I will start this with a question: “What type of person do you think you are?” and going on with “Do you consider yourself an optimist or a pessimist?” “Do you think of yourself as a realistic person?”
Years ago, I wanted to think of myself as a realist. I’ve never been the typical example of an optimistic one, now that’s for sure. I might also add that I had a certain inclination towards pessimism.
And thinking about it I recall, very often thinking “Good things never happen to me!” . I watched myself struggling and fighting so much and so hard for the things I wanted, but it looked like it was always the tough way for me, YEP.
From time to time I felt drained of my energies and exhausted and what I also did, was focusing on others, thinking that they were dealing with things much better than I did and that they were doing much better than I did. I was losing focus, distorting the useful attention from my own self towards others and always trying so hard to keep up with them or with others’ expectations, always comparing myself and my achievements with others’. It was about the others. Of course I was never satisfied. It simply wasn’t enough. Of course it wasn’t.
To put it short:
- Myself?- Focus on the negative
- Others?- Focus on the positive
Now do the math, is it possible to “be a proton” with this kind of mindset?
I wanted to change that and the only way was changing my behavior, handling my emotions, feelings and thoughts. So in order to acquire positive attitudes, step by step, I started doing things exclusively for myself and myself only. Simple, little things to my own benefit, like eating healthy, going to the gym. I even started to learn German!! (I am still learning)
I know, you are probably thinking “Well it doesn’t really look that extraordinary.” Exactly, but the point is:
It is not about how big or important the thing you are doing is, it is about you bringing your attention to you and your well being. Besides when I say what I am doing how “big” “extraordinary” “important” is, whose criteria am I making use of to estimate? Mine? Others’? Whose? Does it really matter?
I was determined to try new things, I was determined to feel better with myself. As a result I got a good feedback in return, because it worked. And again, it’s about dedication to ones’ self. Do something for your own pleasure or just for fun, something which centers you.
We are always in a hurry to get things done, like going to work and while at it we are put under constant pressure, meeting colleagues’, bosses’ expectations, scheduling our meetings and our activities based on other people’s agenda. So it’s not about us really. Our families, relatives, friends, love partners sometimes do not help (don’ t get me wrong, not that they don’t want to) they also have their agendas, just like you have yours.
So you are constantly negotiating and compromising for your time, attention, focus, energies to keep up with your life and people you care about.
Right? That’s tiring, that’s why you need something you can escape to, to feel you, to be with you or to be only yours. You will be happier and will cope with things/hardships/challenges around you much better. People will notice the difference and that will be a plus either in your professional or personal areas.
Keep in mind, you need to be consistent and patient though. You can’t expect IT to happen right away. It needs time and adjustment. The other thing that’s really important is: what you choose to do? Your hobby?
You like photography, I mean who doesn’t, specially in the era we are currently living? Great, go for it. Take professional lesson, check online tutorials, save up money for a professional camera that will turn up into a goal itself.
You like traveling? It doesn’t necessarily mean to go abroad. Albania, our country has beautiful landscapes, cities, regions waiting to be explored. Again, choose a destination per weekend. If you can’ t manage to be away from your commitments an entire weekend, then a Saturday or a Sunday. Ask your beloved to join you. It doesn’t have to be a fancy stay in an expensive hotel or restaurants. To my own experience, asking people around will help you get to unknown places, unknown restaurants where you actually have a genuine traditional lunch. Wherever is possible post reviews on their official pages if they have one, or on your own social accounts. Advice others to go and try.
Go for a jog on Saturday afternoon, go for a picnic on Sunday morning or just go for a walk, take a good book for a good company. Now this one will be hard to digest, but try to: Turn off your phone, at least when you are walking or reading. Make it happen just for an hour. Seriously try it. I’ve also thought of “forgetting” my phones at home… hehehe I’ve not succeeded on that one yet. But someone gave me that advice and I still think of it from time to time.
Here’s a real life situation of some while ago.
I work in a Customer Care Service Center. Providing assistance and correct information with a high quality of service is not optional is a MUST for me and my team.
A few months ago, we were going to start the 24/7 service. Since it was a new initiative to be implemented, my team’s focus on the topic was on “High Alert! No Screw Ups Admitted!” mode, as our Client’s as well since the service is theirs and my team on the other hand is the service provider. We tried to see all to it. Everything, every single detail.
We have handled like 20 phone calls during the first night’s shift. However there was a technical issue during the night. 2-3 calls weren’t able to get through and customers did not get to the agents.
Next day, our Client claimed that something had gone wrong, reporting the tech issue. They realized it since they listened to all the phone calls.
Who could I possibly blame? That was a serious problem since we got to find out that it was the central server’ s update which caused the telephone lines to enter a loop, with a 8 minute duration. I was worried of course, however I managed to see the bigger picture.
Did you pay attention to what I mentioned earlier? Our Client listened to all phone calls that had been handled. Yeah. 2-3 were reported as problematic due to the tech issue. What about the rest? I felt relieved, my team had done a good job. The Client did not mention any extraordinary handling of the phone call, but there was also no negative feedback, so basically I assumed that the team had followed my instructions and had met my expectations, therefore the Client’s ones.
See, another me of a few years ago, would have gone in tilt, over thinking and certainly over worrying. Of course it was serious indeed, but it wasn’t just that. There were the hidden details anyway of the same importance. Imagine if one of the agents had been rude or not careful enough in front of customer’s needs? That added to the issue would have aggravated the situation.
Let’s be clear, our traits and mindsets are strongly imprinted into us, so as I said before, I’ ve never been an optimist and I can’t consider myself one, but I have come to terms with myself and that part of me. I managed to change my attitude towards external circumstances which helped to deal with the world and mostly with things that cannot always be under my control.
I am changing it a little bit, just found a new blog which shares motivation and positive vibes.