I am not a fish

Iamnotafish5

I am going to be honest with you all. I haven’t been writing for quite a long time. The reason is quite simple, I didn’t want to.

The ” I don’t want to…” freaked me out. Since I was scared to admit that I didn’t want to do one of the most therapeutic things in this world which further more is also one of the things I love the most,  I was making up excuses: “I don’t feel like it…” “I don’t have time…” “I have nothing to write about…” and wait the worst is yet to come: “I am a complete mess, what the hell will I be writing about? I tried to be a good example of positive thinking and now I will spread what, the complete opposite? How incapable I am of surpassing it all? No one needs that!

But I do, even though it’s not easy at all.

From a bit far away, everything looks cool, just looking at most of my pictures you would think I am having a nice time, so writing about it while “faking the facade” in the social media would be a total hypocrisy. Yeah basically going against everything I stand for.

However, I am wrong about the “facade” part. So both sides are true sides. If I smile in photos is because that’s the way I feel in that exact moment. If I am crying the second after is because that’ s the way I feel and none of it is fake. Both sides are true.

It’s another way of therapy, not to hide but to heal.

I am trying to sort  out and make things work. I just have to keep in mind that sometimes it has to be “little by little” and it can’t be right away. Sometimes I need to remind myself of patience, although most of the times is a foreign concept to me. Sometimes I need to remind myself that I am human and not a machine. Besides I don’t even want to be a machine.

Sometimes I need to remind myself that I need to breathe just like everybody else, and as nature rightfully states: “I am not a fish!” so breathing under water will never be an option, which means I will have to take my time and get my Oxygen.

With this post I am confident I solved on of the contradictions, making me feel lighter and brighter…

Thank you for reading me! Tell me how are things going by your side, lately?

xoxo #kristinakoti

 

P.S. The pictures were taken in peaceful places where I have managed to find some serenity. The reason why I am using them for this post. Hope you like them 🙂

Iamnotafish

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