I know, because I’ve seen it so many times, over and over again.
Have you actually noticed that sometimes the bad guys were not so bad to start with? Very often the villains were good guys in the first place, not some ruthless, merciless creatures. Then something happened, good guys gone bad! Good guys seeking strength and power to protect, to fight injustice, to make things right. Good guys that fighting the “monsters” they loathed, became monsters themselves, and the same old triggers: the loss of beloved ones, loneliness, misunderstanding, prejudice, exclusion. The aftermath when your heart and soul crashes down the abyss you try so hard to keep at bay, the cracking sound of your mind when it rebels. Now more than ever, I feel… I know the meaning of falling apart, you lose your equilibrium.

You get devoured by the overwhelming sorrow, your emotions take control. The demons lurking around the corner, ready to cloud your judgment, making you believe that everything if not yet rotten to the core, will eventually rot, so let it go with the flow. Feels sweet and easy. You try to find solace in your hatred, making it the new fuel of action.
Anger shields, anger protects, anger keeps people away, anger makes them fear you, anger is good… The illusion that twists you inside, twists reality and evokes never ending suffering.
The correlation is always there. Becoming stronger or more powerful leads to more responsibility.

That is more or less, what Uncle Ben told Peter, when he had just acquired his superpowers, when he was Peter in disguise with the  Spider Man costume to earn a bunch of dollars more. He didn’t take that advice at heart, his heart broke. But pain didn’t cloud his reason, since he had still more to lose. Hope was the savior. And the chance to merge. Yes, merge!

It happens to superheroes. So what does it take to happen to me? Why, despite knowing about it, I never truly, genuinely think about it? What is it that clouds my vision? Oblivion? Arrogance?Clouds

10 thoughts on “In-Inner”

  1. Great article! It really reminded me of "Alone", the poem by Edgar Allen Poe. I've taken the liberty of posting it here, just in case you don't know it. If you do know it, it's worth another read (in my opinion at least 🙂 )

    “Alone”Related Poem Content Details
    From childhood’s hour I have not been
    As others were—I have not seen
    As others saw—I could not bring
    My passions from a common spring—
    From the same source I have not taken
    My sorrow—I could not awaken
    My heart to joy at the same tone—
    And all I lov’d—I lov’d alone—
    Then—in my childhood—in the dawn
    Of a most stormy life—was drawn
    From ev’ry depth of good and ill
    The mystery which binds me still—
    From the torrent, or the fountain—
    From the red cliff of the mountain—
    From the sun that ’round me roll’d
    In its autumn tint of gold—
    From the lightning in the sky
    As it pass’d me flying by—
    From the thunder, and the storm—
    And the cloud that took the form
    (When the rest of Heaven was blue)
    Of a demon in my view—

    1. Thank you so much for reading it 🙂 :). It means a lot to me. Edgar Allan Poe is one of my favorites and I am honored, to know that I reminded you of him. And the poem is so beautiful that makes me cry. Thank you for commenting 🙂

  2. Great Paragraph ?
    Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness and make disappear the 'evil' that exists in us.

    1. Thank You Ina 🙂
      I am afraid that the "evil" never disappears, otherwise there would not be inside battles anymore, but fighting and winning matters the most.

  3. Great thoughts. Yes we do have those episodes. I do have mine currently. When my demons are partying while my optimistic self hunches on the side. Thank you for the reminder that there is hope. <3

    1. I figured, reading through your lines. I don't know what is going on with your life, but I can imagine and I wish you work it out really soon 🙂
      However, these moments despite the pain bring out other shades and colors of us. And when I feel like that, I can't help myself but remember Kurt Cobain "Thank you for the tragedy, I need it for my art!"
      Peace, Love, Empathy <3

  4. This one: "Anger shields, anger protects, anger keeps people away, anger makes them fear you, anger is good… The illusion that twists you inside, twists reality and evokes never ending suffering."

    This one is true to the smallest bit! Lovely article... pleased to have read it! 🙂

    1. Thank you for reading 🙂
      I think, everyone at some point, goes through these kind of moments. Balance is the key, however not that easy to find though.


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