“I wish I had a cigarette. I feel like smoking.”
But I decided to quit so, I need to focus right now.
How do you cope with death?
Why does it feel like this question plops and sinks?
You learn eventually, to cope with life, life is always difficult but it takes longer, so you adjust and evolve as you have no other choice, get ready for the next challenge, a bit harder. Jump little rabbit, yeah, just a bit higher.
And if you don’t, oh don’t worry life has got time on her/his side and he or she never gets tired of playing the same game. It sets the algorithm in an infinite loop. Learned the lesson? YES, move on, next one, as we all know, there is no better teacher. Life with the immense, never-ending and creative ways. The answer is NO? Repeat, get back in the loop again. Oh and would it be too much adding, take your time buddy. And then, baaaaang, comes the external, abrupt interrupt. Death, yeah just like any interrupt instruction from the outside, it breaks the loop and…
“Hey, can there be just an exception, when you quit smoking? Or a penalty or something because I changed my mind. I guess the obvious answer would be: “Or something!”.”
You see, I lost someone close to me. He passed away just yesterday, afternoon. What is it about death? He looked finally calm, at peace and somehow relieved. That was the look on his face, like sleeping but with a sweet smile on his lips. I could almost feel happy for him.
But then I could see all the people who loved him. Pain, sorrow, sadness, grief, they were crying and then I found myself crying as well. I don’t really know, if it’s death… or is it the ones that are left behind that being so hurt, hurt me the most. Is it just me thinking this way?
“Damn, I want a cigarette. Oh, I should take better care of my poor lungs. Black is very fashionable and everything but, lungs should remain pink. Ironic for someone who doesn’t even like nor wear anything resembling pink!”
This wasn’t easy for me. But I really had to let it out somehow. Writing soothes me, my troubled and exhausted mind, hoping that I haven’t exhausted you in return with all my rants, in my “adorable” attempt in blogging.
I am in need for xoxo today…