Utopia

The 50 red bricks, I need for my wall when I need to stay away from the sickness.

I was understanding.

I wanted to believe the best case scenario. Didn’t want to think about the worst one.

I opted for the denial.

Then, I was irritated.

I was angry.

I was frustrated.

I was desperate, because sometimes people deliberately choose to be blind.

I was critical.

I was fighting incompetence, eating my own liver for a lost cause. The incompetents are like a bunch of 50.

I was obviously outnumbered. 50 blind people+ 1, me, clearly.

I was cynical about your way of dealing with things.

I was indifferent. I lost my liver, I wouldn’t lose my mind too.

I was looking for wisdom, from the parties I thought were more reasonable, but they didn’t give a fuck.

I was helpless, because I was waiting for help from people who were just as blind as the bunch of 50.

I was pensive, I was thinking to find a way and make it work, you bunch of 50 idiots…

Then I realized, the idiot here it was me. I was an idiot.

I was rebellious, out of anger.

I tried to fake it, just like you people do.

I wasn’t able to keep up with you, 50 knights of ignorance.

I will give you the credit for this.

I felt sick to the core out of hypocrisy.

Then I suddenly felt calm, there was nothing I could do.

I was sarcastic, as to why shouldn’t I at least enjoy myself in the middle of this circus.

I was a player, but I wasn’t playing.

I was carefree.

I am past from caring.

Now, make me fucking care, or I am out.

Now, I don’t even fight back.

I don’t give in to your cheap mind games.

Now, I know what’s your game, but I deliberately choose not to be a part of it.

Now, I know that I can’t reason with you.

I know how your schemes work. Aren’t you a bunch of predictable morons.

I am a moron too, I know I am no better. But at least I know what I am. You still don’t!

I have enough.

Now I know, I can still choose.

I choose to leave.

I am still waiting though.

I am still curious.

I wonder, for how long will you keep going like this?

I wonder, how may other excuses will you invent?

I really want to give you the benefit of the doubt.

But I know, it’s completely useless.

I am utterly bored. It’s not just integrity you lack. Unfortunately imagination too.

I am also tired.

I want something else.

For once, I want “Utopia”! My freaking UTOPIA!

I know, I can’t!

But I still dream. Not of utopia, but of something else and real.

I don’t know what exactly I will do next.

I know me and I won’t accept your injustice.

 

 

 

 

 

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