The 50 red bricks, I need for my wall when I need to stay away from the sickness.
I was understanding.
I wanted to believe the best case scenario. Didn’t want to think about the worst one.
I opted for the denial.
Then, I was irritated.
I was angry.
I was frustrated.
I was desperate, because sometimes people deliberately choose to be blind.
I was critical.
I was fighting incompetence, eating my own liver for a lost cause. The incompetents are like a bunch of 50.
I was obviously outnumbered. 50 blind people+ 1, me, clearly.
I was cynical about your way of dealing with things.
I was indifferent. I lost my liver, I wouldn’t lose my mind too.
I was looking for wisdom, from the parties I thought were more reasonable, but they didn’t give a fuck.
I was helpless, because I was waiting for help from people who were just as blind as the bunch of 50.
I was pensive, I was thinking to find a way and make it work, you bunch of 50 idiots…
Then I realized, the idiot here it was me. I was an idiot.
I was rebellious, out of anger.
I tried to fake it, just like you people do.
I wasn’t able to keep up with you, 50 knights of ignorance.
I will give you the credit for this.
I felt sick to the core out of hypocrisy.
Then I suddenly felt calm, there was nothing I could do.
I was sarcastic, as to why shouldn’t I at least enjoy myself in the middle of this circus.
I was a player, but I wasn’t playing.
I was carefree.
I am past from caring.
Now, make me fucking care, or I am out.
Now, I don’t even fight back.
I don’t give in to your cheap mind games.
Now, I know what’s your game, but I deliberately choose not to be a part of it.
Now, I know that I can’t reason with you.
I know how your schemes work. Aren’t you a bunch of predictable morons.
I am a moron too, I know I am no better. But at least I know what I am. You still don’t!
I have enough.
Now I know, I can still choose.
I choose to leave.
I am still waiting though.
I am still curious.
I wonder, for how long will you keep going like this?
I wonder, how may other excuses will you invent?
I really want to give you the benefit of the doubt.
But I know, it’s completely useless.
I am utterly bored. It’s not just integrity you lack. Unfortunately imagination too.
I am also tired.
I want something else.
For once, I want “Utopia”! My freaking UTOPIA!
I know, I can’t!
But I still dream. Not of utopia, but of something else and real.
I don’t know what exactly I will do next.
I know me and I won’t accept your injustice.